She hands him the plate, fanning herself a little with her other hand. ”This soon after waking up? Yes, exquisitely wimpy. Cor, warn me next time. Chilies. It’s been at least a year and a half since I ate anything even close to a chili pepper, let alone chilies, plural.”
“…So what horrible surprises do you have planned for me today, my noble grundle-fondling guide? Another landmine-riddled boneyard? More skirmishes between civilians and soldiers for me to utterly bollocks up, maybe? I am a-tremble with anticipation, dear sir. Pray do not keep me in suspense.”
Cor? Like corp? She wasn’t making any damn sense, and she was right about one thing, it was too early to try and make sense of her gibberish. He shakes his head “Most of the food out here’s spicy, it’s good for ya.” Uses a bit more baking soda and a different rag to scrub the plates and skillet before shoving them back in the box they came from.
“Tch. It’s your fault we gotta take the main roads. Me and Saix prefer the scenic route. As for what you’ll see.” he shrugs half heartedly, packing up the rest of the supplies again. “Could be better or worse than yesterday.” Scratches an itch just above his navel before grabbing his shirt off the rock he had left it on, shaking it vigorously and checking the inside and out before pulling it over his head. “I don’t suggest any more runnin’ off though, wacho. Your combat skills won’t do much if ya piss off some sleeper or wild zoid.”
“Grundle’s a type of dainty twee little flower. Related to orchids.” She doggedly continues chewing mouthfuls of the breakfast. ”Of course you have to gargle. Great party trick, too.”
She chokes down the last bite. ”If I get the runs from that, you are going to hear all about it. In excruciating detail. What the fuck did you even put in there? Extract of Satan’s ball sweat?”
His brows furrow a bit, he has no idea what she’s going on about and decides to chalk it up to her delirium. He almost says something like ‘lady I’ve traveled with four kids, nothin’ that comes outta you will surprise me’ but thinks better of it at the last moment. Instead he answers “Just dried chilies, and damn mild ones too. Didn’t know you were such a wimp.” while holding his hand out for her plate.
She stares blankly at the bottle of hot sauce, wiping at one eye with the back of her hand. ”Oh for fuck’s sake,” she says, slightly watery. ”That is not why I pulled a knife and you know it, you grundle-sniffer.” She takes another bite, a flush starting to creep up her neck. ”And as far as my nethers are concerned? Nameless horrors, maybe not. Teeth? Yes.” She coughs, then sneezes, stifling it in her elbow. ”Big pointy serrated ones.”
She takes a third bite, eyes streaming. ”I can’t feel my face,” she says, wonderingly.
He eats fast out of habit, clears his plate in a matter of moments from being a defensive eater. The faster you finish your food the less chance someone can take it from you. “Grundle?” he asks after he’s finished. Then raises an eyebrow “You gotta gargle after you brush those?”
He hides the chuckle behind a fist, head down and pretending to cough. This was a damn mild meal and she was acting like he handed her raw chilies. What a wimp!
“Slurs? Does ‘wanker’ count as a slur? Ooh, what about ‘cockbite?’ I haven’t had the chance to use that one, and I think I rather like it. And I already said I was sorry about the rapist thing, but I think I was justified, considering that it wouldn’t have been the first time a man has tried to take advantage of me. I don’t think there was even as significant a size difference between them and me, either.” She holds a hand flat above her head, demonstrating the solid six inches of height Irvine has over her. ”Plus, I happened to be in a very vulnerable position, all semi-delirious and slightly intoxicated and so on.” She shrugs. ”But if you want to keep using it to make me feel guilty, go right on ahead. I’ll simply have to resort to childish name-calling. Wanker.”
She takes the plate, her eyebrows shooting up towards her hairline. “Me?! Sunshine?!” She cackles. ”Oh dear, I think I left my g-string in my other suitcase. What a shame. Besides, my stripper name is ‘Pandora,’ specifically for the box puns.” She flashes a sardonic, crooked grin at him and takes a bite of the eggs.
Her eyes start to water instantly. She manages to swallow the mouthful, but beads of sweat break out on her forehead, too. She makes a thin, wheezy noise.
He wonders if he looks as puzzled as he feels. Making her feel guilty wasn’t his aim, he just wanted to clear things up so she wouldn’t bitch at him as much while they traveled. Gives a quick shake of his head “Nah, wanker and cockbite are fine. And youre the one that slept on my lap for four hours and then tried to shank me for bein the only one to not leer at ya.” Smirks a little at her stripper name. “Is implyin’ your box is full of nameless horrors really the best plan? Might give people the wrong idea.” He takes a bite of his egg, potatoes, cheese and chilies, takes out a small bottle of hot sauce from a pack, adds a healthy helping. Now it was hot enough for him.
Her expression makes him smirk a bit more.
Ive been laughin for the last half hour cause I (loosley) tied Jerkys ears up so I could measure her head for the gas mask Im makin and it looks like shes got a ponytail
She just looks so dumb its fantastic
My magical girl transformation is stomping out a cigarette and taking a shot of bourbon.
Then it’s go-time.
Almost went a whole month without any broken bones!
I think thats a new lifetime record
“I guess I’m human again…” he mumbled. “Well, or close enough to it.”
So if you were a cat and now youre a plant again does that make you catnip
